Ugly ass bitch.
It’s funny how the dreams you have can tell you something. The other night, I had a dream about myself, I was crying my eyes out screaming, asking myself “Why does this always happen to me?”
And now this is happening haven’t spoken to him in a while, he’s been ignoring me. One thing I sure learn is that he can’t even take 10 sec just to text back. You know fuck it. I’m tired of it. I’m so fucking tired of hurting myself. I’m done with him! I want nothing to do with him anymore. I don’t want to speak to him anymore, I don’t want nothing to do with him. He do whatever he wants, oh lord, keep on ignoring me, please do! I hate you, I hate you, I fucking hate you. It’s so pointless, you’re just somebody I use to know, you’re no one important. You don’t matter. I fucking hate you! This isn’t the first time he’s ignored me, this isn’t the first time he fucked me over! I fucking hate you Kenny, I fucking hate you. Die for all I care.
• 30 May 2012
Every night before I head to bed, I drink a glass a wine, it’s a bad habit. :/
• 30 May 2012
Strength
Everyone I know always tells me I’m full of smiles and laughter, even when I go clubbing the guy who checks the id, says to me “Everytime I see you you’re so smiley.” LOL, my friend tells me “I love it when you smile and laugh it makes me want to smile and laugh too.” LOL :)
To keep myself happy, I smile and laugh everything off. I will not show any sign of me being weak in front of people, I will not show any pain. I stand being strong, and when I walk away, I’ll walk away strong, with a smile on my face!
• 29 May 2012
Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts
I know I shouldn’t be thinking about the past, but it’s bothering me. At the moment I think he does nothing bad to me, but now when I think about it, I hate him, I really hate him. I guess it’s a lot easier for me to hate him so I can move on and get over the feelings.
Don’t you see, when we stop talking and seeing each other, it was the month when I found out you had a girlfriend, you couldn’t even tell me you gotta girl, I found out from someone else. You ignored me, day by day, two weeks past by, and I went to go see you (it was my mistake how stupid was I) and I still remember you saying “Two weeks wasn’t enough for you” you ignored me on purpose, for me to get “over” you. Wow I sure was stupid!!!!!!
Another day, you wanted me to take you to the hospital, you needed to be there with your girlfriend to see if she’s prego or not. Don’t you see, I was being a good friend! I didn’t even want to take you, just because I was going through my own personal problems with Sammy and everything and on that same week when Sammy told me he has a kid, you tell me you might got your girl prego. Regardless, I was willing to take you, I didn’t ask for no gas money, no nothing, I was hurt. But you didn’t need to go anymore.
You gamble and lost money, and you asked to borrow $20, it’s not much, I’m not trippen about it, but it’s just the thought of it, I don’t need the money back, but it’s because I was there for you, I was being a good friend to you.
The night where your girlfriend needed her pain killers, you text me to take you to go drop it off for her, and I was hesitating if I should take you or not, because it kills me, but I didn’t want to be selfish, and think about myself, and here I go again being a good friend, I was willing to take you, but you said she doesn’t need it anymore.
Do you not see you got a good thing in front of you. Tell me would you even do half the shit I’ve done for you if we were just friends, and I had a man. I would clear my schedule just so I can help you pick up your niece and nephew from school, I would clear up my schedule just so I can take you go do things you need to do. And out of all people, out of all your friends, you choose me to help you, and why? You hit me up when you need something.You ignored me… You say it’s my fault, that I’m sad, that I’m thinking wrong, yeah it’s just my fault right.
Thinking about this makes me so angry, it makes me so mad at myself for allowing you to do this to me. It’s been 8-9 months now nothing change, and I’m feeling like I need to walk away. I was afraid of losing you, but now it doesn’t matter to me anymore, my words and feelings won’t make you feel the same as I feel for you. At this point I don’t care anymore, I know you’re talking to someone else, I know things are changing, so I will not allow you to hurt me anymore. I’m fed up, and tired of this.
• 29 May 2012
My ass is sore!!!!!! I can’t fucking see right, my eyes seems so blurry, met some old friends from middle school, met new people, and met these niggas, I met from a party. LOL “I can’t really pronounce your name is Pont-ce-na” LOL! Just call me Pontcey. Ohh man, I am tired, headache, not the business!
• 27 May 2012
After a long day of work, I gotta get ready just to go out. Ugh, I’m so tired of parties, someone shoot me. Another drunk night!!!!
• 26 May 2012
Hard fucking labor! But when I see the money it’s gonna be worth it! :) Let’s start working! It’s gonna be hot ass hell!
• 26 May 2012
Chilling with no make up on! Just our face mask, oh you know, relaxing, doing girl things. LOL! These pictures makes me laugh so hard. Haha, I love my baby sissy, we’re ending our night finishing our glass of wine, and scary movies! I rather stay in anyday, and the nights we have. :)
• 26 May 2012
I am the best older sissy evaaa! LOL, stayed home with my baby sissy just to “bond” with her. LOL, face mask, cumbers, and we got our glass of wine. Ohh yumpppp! LOL, she makes me smile and laugh. :)
• 26 May 2012
Days like this, I’m just so frustrated at everyone, I don’t even want to go to my grandma’s house nor go out tonight. I’m so tired of dealing with bullshit, I’m so drain out! Oh someone come save me! I really need to get away from reality, I need someone who isn’t going to judge me! This is why I prefer to be by myself. This is why I don’t need anyone. *sigh** I cannot wait untill I move out of Sacramento! I’mma go vent to my baby sissy and see if she wants to go catch a movie or something. I like bonding with her, we laugh and do stupid shit.
• 25 May 2012
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